Saturday, January 29, 2011

The sound of money falling.
The snapping of the mechanical jaws.
The flashing round lights.
The closing of the doors and the quick movement of the train.
Walking across park looking at the different monuments.
The sights and sounds of the city.
Each one different but in their own way the same.
Soo many museums.
This young girl was in heaven.
Paintings in one planes in another.
Dinosaurs and dresses.
The pride of a country in the heart of a child.
As she watches the changing of the guards she understands what it took for her to have freedom.
As an adult the city still calls her.
She wants to share the pride of her country with her kids.
Show them were their freedom came from.
Teach them the sacrifies many made for them to be free.
The long wall of names and great man in his chair.
The great building with its dome.
Maybe one day they will work there and help make their country great.
This city was built on dreams.
I wonder if the people that work there now believe in the dreams of the ones before them or have they forgotten.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Where were you?

I woke up this morning to the news saying it was the 25th anniversary of the Challenger space shuttle blowing up. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was 9 years old. My brother and I were at my grandmother's playing in the snow. School was canceled due to what seems like a foot of snow. I was excited cause it meant we would get to watch the space shuttle take off. We were sledding down the hill by her house when she yelled at us to come in and watch. Sitting there in my grandma's living room I watch it take off and then blow up. Innocents lost. I prayed and prayed that day not understanding how something like this could happen. I hate to even think of it now. There was a teacher on there. I remember watching her getting on. Her smile. I could imagine her students watching her with such pride in her. And then to see it explode must have changed their lives right then and there. I'm not sure how long we sat there watching the news go over and over it. Life is sooo very short. We never know what the next second is going to bring.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Im still alive its been a week some good some bad will try to write more tonight.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Last night I watched a show I rarely ever watch. How I met you mother. One of the characters father had died and they were talking about the last words that his father had said to him. It hit home. I dont remember the exact last words my father said to me or that I said to him. He had asked me earlier in the week to take afternoon trip with him that Wednesday. I had a college class that night and really didnt want to go with him so I told him I couldnt go. Being stuck in a car for an afternoon with my father was not a way I wanted to spend my afternoon. I got home that night to a phone call from my mom telling me he had been in an accident. What were my last words? That I dont know but I do know I didnt want to go with him. 13 years and I still wonder if I had been there would the outcome have been different. I now make sure the last thing I say to the ones I love is I love you. I never want them to wonder what the last words I said to them were.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Well its that time of year that I dream of you. I see your face I reach for you only to wake up with the greatest feeling of loss. oh to hear your voice. I will not break the promise I made to you. Honor thy father and thy mother. At least I can try to get one part of that right. The dreams haunt me. so much you missed. and sooo much that I missed. you knew things that i wish i would have listened to. your song was so true. the greatest man i never knew did live just down the hall from me. whos fault it was we will never know. i sit here at your desk with your dream knowing that it is no longer my dream. my dream is the one ive had my whole life. my dream is have time. time with my family. maybe that was your dream too we just never got there. i have learned that everything is not always black and white. maybe if i had been there things would have been different. my relationship with mom is sooo very different now then it was then maybe our relationship would have changed too. we never got that chance.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Details

Its only Tuesday and Im already ready for the weekend. Yesterday I get a phone call from my delivery driver. Call a wrecker. Why? The water pump blew. great Customer calls his door was not right. greater. It just seems to pour when it rains around here. and yes we had ice and rain today. I wake up to my phone ringing I was sure it was my mom about my grandma but it was just school 2 hour delay. almost gave myself a heart attack. lol that is life of the weird and crazy. I tried a new recipe for dinner. I think they licked the pan. I am trying to get everything straight. my life my bills my house my work. slowly but surely im gonna get there. so many ideas so many things i want to do.

Monday, January 10, 2011

What a weekend. Grandma came home Friday. So hunny and I ate there Friday and went back with the kids Saturday for lunch and dinner. Hopefully we got the room set up how may grandma and auntie want it. It will probably change in a week or sooo after they see if this design is working fOr them. In the process of moving the furniture I broke to dresser drawers and the while washing dishes I broke a tea pot. So hunny fixed one drawer and made a new one. tea pot beyond repair. I havent gotten much sleep. I think icecream is now off the list of things I can eat or at least not eating them at night anymore. Eating isnt on the top of my list these days anyway. I did enjoy the weekend even though I worked my tail off. and boy has the week started of with a bang. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr more details to follow

Friday, January 07, 2011

Tuesday my grandma went into the hospital. Hopefully she is coming home today. She has taught me sooo many things about life and love. As I sit here thinking back over all the different memories there are none that I would like to forget. I cant ever remember her saying a mean word or at least none I didnt deserve. The hugs and kisses the strength she has. I can only pray that I will be half the women she is. Life teaches you lots of lessons. The more family I lose the more I cherish the ones that are left. She is the last of my grandparents. Or maybe its the older I get the more I have learned that tomorrow is not promised. So love like there is no tomorrow.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Im thinking its going to be a cuddle up movie night Saturday. I always have big ideas for the weekend but never seem to get them all done. Why are weekends only 2 days and weeks 5 days? 3 and 4 sound better.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

What a day. Im working on month and year end stuff at work. Trying to get my office in some kind of order which for me is very hard cause im not an organized kind of girl. Ive decided its got to get done. Gonna lose my mind if i dont get some of this paper gone. Im also blog hopn and looking fOr a good meal planning database so that I can get my grocery addiction under control. For some reason I like to eat. I love to cook just need to get recipes and list of groceries. Ive started baking my own bread for my daughter my son likes the store bought better. I think i just need to learn to make small loaves and cut my slices thinner for him. My focus is sooo working right now it is very scary. Ive been all over the place here lately and very blue. Blue is so not like me but ive decided ive got to shake it and figure out how to get moving again. In the end its all going to workout just got to go day by day. After I leave here ive got to get the house clean. for months ive been going thru my grandma's stuff and its all over my house. got to decided what to keep and what to get rid of. all the junk in my life is just starting to pile up so its time to clean it all. my attitude my outlook my things time to clean them all and get motivated. focus focus focus.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Is it them or is it me?

Have you ever left a family gathering and wondered what universe you just left? I am the first to admit that I am not normal. if there really is a normal. But sometimes after leaving my family I wonder if its them or me. After much soul searching and discussions with friends I've come to the conclusion its them. I went to eat at my mother's last night cause my brother was in town with his family. We talked during dinner which in its self is a circus. Then he gets up goes to the sofa starts playing on his computer and doesnt say 5 good words to me after that. My husband and I leave and we both look at each other and say thats odd. Not sure what I've done to make him mad this time. oh well so is life with my crazy family.