The nightmares have started again. Why is it that every year at this time I let them take over? I want to dream of him but I want them to be happy. I want him to know that I am happy and I want to know that he is happy for me. But they all seem warped. I know I am stressed to the max. It is all going to get better very soon. It has to. I am sooo close. Just got to focus.