Nightmares please go away

So here I set at work at the point of complete exhaustion. I hate sleeping. This is how my sweetie described the way I looked when he woke up this morning. "Like a fish out of water" aint that lovely. I woke up soo many times during the night that I lost count. Every time I would wake up from a dream only to go back to sleep and dream something different but about the same person. All night I dreamed about my father. In some he was mad at me and in others he was happy. Needless to say I woke up just wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. My sweetie lays there and holds me but the feeling of being completely lost just wont go away. I look like I lost my best friend and in a way I have. I've lost my smile my inner fire. All I really want to do is cry. The dreams wouldnt be so bad if they were happy one. But in most I feel like he is disappointed in me and angry at me. Maybe its just me reflecting my own feelings for myself at me. I have no idea all I know is that I hate sleeping. I feel like I could just set here and cry till I passout from it. Being the one left behind sucks. but then death would have sucked more.