Well I faced part of my fear. And yes I got the answer I wanted in my round about way. I got that answer and then thought I was going to have to give it up. So much going on right now not sure where to start or how to fix it. If I had the answer then I would know what I have to do. I cant ask him to face all of this with me. But is it right for me to give up everything that I want? Can they ask me to give up the man I love and my dreams? Do I have to give him up to do what is needed of me? I cant ask him to change his life for my responsibilities? I dont have the answers. One day at a time. Keep my eyes on the goal. Dream of the future. I am sooo close but in other ways soo far from it. All I can do is pray.

I am moody because I dont know the answer.
I dont know the answer because Im scared to ask the question.
Im scared to ask the question because of the answer I might get.
The answer I might get is that Im gonna lose you.
Im gonna lose you because Im moody.

Round and round I go.

If Im gona lose you might as well do it before I lose my mind and before you hate me. Me being moody only makes matters worse not better. And if I dont tell you how I feel how are you suppose to know what is going on in my head. I can see our future together and how great it could be if only I could get over my fear of the present. The fear of the unknown the fear of not being good enough the fear of not being loved Knowing or not knowing doesnt make you love me. Just make me moody.

I wonder if you know ........

I love to watch you sleep.
I dream of the day that I can sleep in your arms every night.
That I am scared that you will stop loving me.
I buy peanut butter kisses for you hoping you think of me every time you eat one.
I want to ask you if you want the picket fence but am sooo scared that the answer will be no.
I love you more every minute.