Our lives are weaved together
we cant be ourselves without the other
Our flesh may never touch
but still I love you so much

"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present." ~Barbara De Angelis

Ok I stole this quote from someone else but its been stuck in my head since I read it there and how true it is. If I could just learn to let the past go how great the future could be. Someone once told me he thought I loved being miserable but never took the time to talk to me and see why I hurt. Believed if he just didnt talk about it I would get over it. Well that theory didnt work. All it led to was me feeling more alone. So here I blog about feelings. Maybe Im wrong for that to. I dont have the answers. All I can do is pray at night for forgiveness for the things I have done and pray that oneday I will accept the happiness that my heart has. Beginning not to like the word find. Cause there is always happiness out there we just have to be open to seeing it. I have to accept the fact that I cant change the past but I do make my future. So its time to look forward and to remember the past but not let it take over the present.

ok here I am at work suppose to be working and Ive been told to update this thing. Cant decide what to write about. Its raining here so very tired of rain. Have pile of paper on desk big enough to choke a goat. Ive yells at my whole staff. Im not a babysitter. thinking of putting cow bells on them. Fell asleep watching Mulon last night. see told ya I have a boring life.

I hide behind a wall
Afraid to show my heart at all
If you were to see the real me
Alone again I would be

Afraid to show you what is inside
How much easier it is to hide
I try to keep my distances
To maintain a wall of resistence

If i dont give my heart away
It cant be broken again someday
But if this is the life i chose
My heart will I abuse

To not give it into love freely
Or to open it up completely
Is me giving up my chance
To find my one true romance

I set here at my desk wondering how on earth a child could get a gun and kill his grandfather and his grandfather's girlfriend and then go to school and kill 9 other students and then take his own life. What will my Stars have to face as they grow up? I pray for the parents of these children and my heart cries for them. I have no idea what I would do if I was in their shoes. I wonder what would make a child so upset that he thought the only way to be heard was to do this. So tonight when I cuddle with my Stars, we will say a pray for these children and their parents. And as I watch my Stars sleep I will pray that God will always protect them and thank Him for the gifts He has given me. We never know how fast our lives can change. Never forget to tell the ones you love how special they are, for tomorrow or even the next minute is not promised. That may be the last time you see or talk to them so make sure they know what they mean to you. So to all my friends, thank you very much for putting up with me and listening to me. I love ya'll.

ok i set here with this bloggie window open thinking my goodness my brain is mush and i have no life. I should be moving my nonworking dryer to the porch so that it can be picked up and looked at or i should be cleaning. Well i kinda am cleaning got the oven on self clean but i set it. My brain cant think anymore. All i see are numbers. And just how many hammers should one store have?

Work is majorly kicking my butt this week but hey thats work. Hopefully after this weekend I will be able to breathe a little. I set here at my desk waiting for my 7-11 hot chocolate to get here knowing if it doesnt get here soon some poor customer is going to face the evil side of me. So I smile and try not to rip anyones head off. At the rate Im going I may confuse more customers then help today. lol I know there has got to be a dew around this office. how long can a person run on autopilot? cause thats what im going to have to do today.i just keep thinking 18 of 388 pages of inventory down. So thats only 370 pages left to go.

Love me for who I am,
Not who you want me to be.
I am who I am
and i cant change me

If you truely love someone
and want the key to their heart
You accept everything about them
and not just the good part

So there I stood
with my heart out to you
wondering if it was
the right thing to do

You dropped my heart
and it hit the floor
I know to love again
will happen no more

My heart is shattered
and can not be repaired
The pain that i now feel
nothing can be compaired

You are not to blame
for I knew I was wrong
I knew I couldnt be love
and it wouldnt last all lifelong

Chocolate Friendship

Care
Hope
Overcome
Cuddle
Opinion
Love
Apreciate
Talk
Everready

a chocolate friend is all these things and soo many more.

Strength

Inward and outward. physical and mental. Outward strength is easy all one has to do is train to get it. Inward strength comes from the soul. Life is always teaching us things. It is how we learn from these lessons that makes us strong. From a young age my parents taught me to stand on my own two feet. Life taught me that at any time my feet could be knock out from under me. So I would stand up brush my butt off and learn to be stronger. I know I can face what the world has to throw at me but at times it would be nice for me to have some one to help pick me up and brush my butt off. Tough as nails but still soft as a cloud on the inside. My faith is my strength. As a teenage I made a promise to myself no matter how bad life got death was not an option. No matter how much life tried to break me, I would stand strong. Oh to have the faith of a child again.

The world sends out mixed signals on what it wants todays women to be like. We need to be strong in the workplace but submissive in the home. Why cant we truely be equals? Why is our strength a turn on when we are dating but a problem when we get married? Can our strength be one of our greatest weaknesses?

I set here at work with paper all over my desk. Boy am I a messy girl. i should be fixing my other computer too tired. I have got to learn to get organized.ok I am gonna fix that computer.

SUGAR PART II

If you scare the people working with you does that mean you have had too much sugar? I thought it was the green tea yesterday but now I am thinking its the sweet tea. They are now threatning to take all my sugar way if i dont climb down off the ceiling. I love being the hyper one in the office. Not sure if my hyperness comes for sugar or sunshine. I have a deep love of life just cant find a love for my life. Oh well its their loss today and not mine. To all my friends, I love ya much. To my not friends why ya reading this if ya aint my friend? te hehe I LOVE SUGAR

Nigtmares

Where do nightmares come from? And how do I send them back? I am sooo very tired of waking up wishing I would never go back to sleep again. Last night I dreamed that something I have been busting butt for the last year was taken from me. That I no longer had a say so in what happened with my job. So now I set here at my desk sleep deprived wondering does that dream have any meaning. I am good at my job. I should be been doing it all my life. I have worked hard to get where I am. To prove that even though I am a girl I can make it in this business. So what does the dream mean? I ready dont give a darn cause if someone tries to mess with me I swear they better be ready for the fight of their life.

Maybe I should lay off the green tea and Mtdew before bed. Or maybe I just one of those people that doesnt dream of fairytales and happy dreams. But just once I would like to dream of something happy. But for now I will face my nightmares. I cant run from them they will always be there. the disappear for awhile and then come back. The only time I seem to sleep well is when Im curled up in someone specials arms. I am a strong woman but even strong women want someone to hold them and tell them everything is going to be ok. Maybe someday I will find that someone.

"We should not expect from others what we cannot do ourselves"

I was blog jumping when I found this and how very true. If I cant forgive myself how can I expect other too? How can I expect someone to love me for who I am when I cant love myself?

So its time I learn to forgive myself for the past and love myself for who I am. Changing the past is impossible but painting a bright future isnt.

FISH

To all my friends that own fish could you please FEED THE FISH. It has come to my attention the that fish population is losing weight at an alarming rate. This is happening mainly cause fish cant scream at you and tell you to FEED ME. So for all the underfeed and underweight fish in this world please remember to feed them. te hehe love ya'll

Ok my turn to put my 2 cents in and if ya get mad I'll just have to wait for ya'll to forgive me. Ok I thought the blogs were for us to help each other not yell at each other. To lift each other not hurt more. I love ya'll and want for all of ya to be happy. So please forgive me if you get mad at this.

How much can a heart take before it dies? Daddy I guess you are the best to answer that question? I pushed you till I broke your heart. Now I set here crying wishing for one moment with you just to tell you I love you and that I am soo very sorry. I do love ya I just figured it out way too late. Happy Birthday I love ya and please forgive me.

What doesnt kill us only makes us stronger

Whoever said that is really messed up. What doesnt kill us can make us wish it did. And Im really tired of getn stronger. gonna be the Hulk soon. And I dont think being green is going to be very attractive to the guys.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Had a guy I know come by work yesterday to say hello. He was friends with my ex at one time. Asked me was I hard to deal with? Told him to ask my ex. Maybe I am hard to deal with or even live with but what gives someone the right to ask? It got me thinking and ya'll know that can be bad. I guess I am hard to live with. I want someone to love me for who I am and that just might be asking too much. I want the fairytale but Im a fool for wanting that cause it doesnt exist.

In one quick breath you broke my heart
I watched my life slowly fall apart
My dreams were shattered
My soul was battered
Our love is forever gone
I shall die alone
The words we use to say
The games we use to play
I see the tears my children cry
And they shall haunt me till the day i die
Where did it all go wrong
We were going to love all our life long
Now I must start all over again
Just not sure where to begin
Is it safe to follow my dreams
And chase after moonbeams
I know there is love out there
I just dont know where
I shall find my love oneday
And he shall never go away
Our hearts will beat as one
My face shall shine like the sun
He shall be my moon
Our hearts will sing the same tune

When I look into your eyes I see
What true love really should be
Our hearts melt together
Any storm we can weather
I pray that I will always be by your side
My love for you I can not hide
We may be worlds apart
But try telling that to my heart
Falling for you was not part of my plan
But now all I dream of is holding your hand
Your voice is all I hear in my head
I dream of you as I lay in my bed
I pray for the day to finally come
When one heart our two become

SUGAR

Sometimes I wonder can ya get drunk on sugar? I ate 2 bags of cotton candy tonight and Im giddie as a teenager. I could run to the moon and back or pick the house up and move it. Was so bad tonight mom told me the "SHUT UP" hmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe Im a pain when I on sugar. Becca wake up and come giggle with me. Willy get home so I can be silly.

As I slowly drift to sleep
I dream of what use to be
I have tried to hide the memories
To keep them from haunting me
I pray that when I wake up
I realise this was just a nightmare
Cause living without you
Is more than my heart can bear