What a weekend. I had my daughter's bday party yesterday. We had a great time. The kids all played and screamed and laughed. You havent seen a race till you have seen a 3 year old open presents. I look at my Stars and I know I am truly blessed. Just one "Momma I love you" and all the world's worries disappear. Was not sure my sweetie was going to come to the party till that day. Something about 10 kids running and screaming about sent him running and screaming. Guess its weird for him cause he has not nieces or nephews. Hard to adjust to all the kids at one time. Love me Love my life. I have kids cant change that. So adjust to the situation or tell me you cant handle me and my bagage. So one day at a time we going learning each other and seeing where this will go. But if it ends I hope we can always remain friends. well back to work.

I start packing up my house today. I hate all the work but its got to be done. Time to close this chapter and move on with my life. Time to be happy again. And I am happy. The kids will have a big yard to play in and I will be closer to mom. Hopefully no snakes in the yard. And when my lease runs out hopefully I can be ready to buy a house. New place means no more shopping sprees but it will be worth it. I cant wait to see my star's faces when the see their new swing set. My sweetie and I gonna put one together for them before I move in. My sweetie makes me very happy and he is soo good to me.

An American Girl :: Trisha Yearwood

Phone rings, baby cries
TV diet, guru lies
Good morning honey
Go to work, make up try to keep the balance up
Between love and money
She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows
Sign her letters with X's and O's
Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls
She's tryin to make it in her daddy's world
She's An American girl
An American girl
Slow dance, second chance mama needs romance
And a live-in maid
Fix the sink, mow the yard,
Really isn't all that hard
If you get paid
She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows
Sign her letters with X's and O's
Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls
She's tryin to make it in her daddy's world
An American girl
An American girl
Well she's got her God and she's got good wine
Aretha Franklin and Patsy Cline
She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows
Sign her letters with X's and O's
Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls
She's gonna make it in her daddy's world
An American girl
An American girl
She's an American girl
She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows
Sign her letters with X's and O's
Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls
Shes gonna make it in her daddy's world
Shes an american girl yeah
Well she tied her hair up in ribbons and bows
Sign her letters with X's and O's
X's and Os, X's and O's

I love this song reminds me of my life. Hope I make my father proud oneday.

dreams

As ya'll know I love my job. The question is "Is chasing my dreams worth all this?" Could i be happy with a regular job? In the end it all boils down to I love my job and its time I learn to stand up for myself. Nobody is going to fight my battles for me. Its just hard to fight family. Im the baby of the family what do i know? I know a whole lot. Im good at my job my customer like me. Its time they either back me or I figure out how to do this without them. I've worked too hard the last year trying to fix things to just give up now.

Well I found a house in town to move into. The rent is more and the house is smaller but at least the kids can play in the yard without me worrying if they are gonna step on a snake. It has central air and heat so no more tripping the breakers with the air conditioner. So as soon as it is painted I will be moving. maybe one day I can actually move into a house that I own. So from now till I move I will be packing and getn rid of my old life. Time to throw out the past. since the place is smaller all the extra crap i have has got to go in the trash or into storage.

Lovers And Friends Lyrics

this is the long love we follow
there in your ancient past
i can see all your tomorrows
there in your ancient past
many are the nights i lie awake
i listen to each breathe you take
and when your world is cold
and you got no place to go
look for me
many are the moments we're apart
im half myself
ive got no heart
and when my world is cold
and i got no place to go
look for me
dreams can knock before there born
the truth is on the wind
and while we've got each others soul
we've got everything
lovers and friends
taken from high above
ive become yours tonight
tell me its me you love
lovers and friends
bound by each others souls
and i vow to hold you in my arms
and ill make you understand
that ill never let you go
many are the nights i lie alone
i dream of you
i dream of home
and the world gets sent away
and i dont here a thing they say
come to me
and here is life and then its gone
its just that way for everyone
the sun will set on our love everyday
lovers and friends
we've only just begun
as tall as the mountain high
as long as the river runs
lovers and friends
bound by each others souls
and i vow to hold you in my arms
and ill make you understand
that ill never let you go
heavens angels are hard to find
when they are the special kind
someones playing on your mind
love is never far behind

I love this song and its true. Always better to be friends then lovers.

I hate rainy days. They make me a moody bish. Plus my sweetie is gone for two days. Moody and sad not a good combo. Funny how we can go days with out seeing each other and I am fine cause I know he is here in town but he leaves for just 2 nights and I become a complete basket case. I know its just the fact that he is driving 7 hours and I worry. So Im going out wiff my best friend tonight after I get my hair turned back to something near its original color.
We went out last night with his brother and sisters. It was interesting since Im not the quiet type. I giggle and laugh and voice my opinion alot. They are all quiet. We get in the elevator to the parking garage on our way to the club and I start to giggle. God only knows why. Then I couldnt stop giggling. Yeah so Im the freak in the group but oh well I am who I am. We ended up having a great time. And four fruit mixed drinks later we leave. Now I got the giggles again cause them fruitie drinks got too much sugar. They think Im buzzing but its just a sugar high. The worst part about a sugar high is the moment that the sugar goes away. I can go from giggles to almost crying in no time. To a person that has never seen this happen to me it could be very weird. So I had to explain that one this morning. So here I set at work just thinking of him wishing it was Sunday evening already.

I decided to have Chinese for lunch today. And got two fortune cookies.

You have a friendly heart and are well admired.

The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person.

I had to laugh at these. My fortunes usually dont make any sense but these did. Well back to work.

What a month. I am soo happy. I worked my butt off and had a kick butt month in sales. So I going out tomorrow night with my sweetie to celebrate. I got free ticket to a comedy club for me and a bunch of friends. Nothing like going out for free and celebrating with ya sweetie. Maybe my future is getn brighter. Slowly I am putting my life back together piece by piece. The biggest piece I am working on is getting out of this house and moving to town. I want to be able to walk at night with the kids and not be scared of what we will step on. My poor mom was even thinking of changing her garage so that the kids and I could move that. That would be four generations in one house. My mom cant handle it and I dont want to do that to her. Time I grow up amd make that sacrifices I need to to get my life back to were it needs to be.
I ended up having to go back into work last night after the kids program at school. I decided to call my sweetie to see if he was on his way home cause I was hungry. He was already home but when he found out I hadnt eaten out he went to get me something to eat and bring it to work. He stayed at work with me till i was done. Ive never had anyone do stuff like this for me. Its all weird and new but I love it. He sooo makes me feel like I am important to him. The fire i thought was once lost in my eyes is back. I think of him and I smile. One day at a time one brick at a time my wall is falling. In the end I may get hurt but I can no longer live behind a wall. I am who I am. Love me for who I am. cant always be the strong one I need someone to fall on and he is my strength now. When I have a day that would make me want to give up He voice calls to me and tells me its ok be strong and he makes me laugh. Laughter truly is the best medicine It can make your heart sing. It makes mine sing and the fire shine in my eyes. Look out world Im happy again and its time to take back what is mine and fight for what I want.