Its funny how the strangest things can make you smile. I have a pen that I borrowed ok I took from my sweetie everytime I use it I smile cause it makes me think of him. Im driving my sweetie's car today cause my brakes needed to be fixed and just the smell of his car makes me smile. Ive also decided Im a much better driver when Im driving someone elses car. I told him that and said he needed to buy me a car to drive and he just laughed. Does that mean he aint buyn me a new car?

Exactly how long does it take for rapid release tylenol to start working? Cause if it dont start working soon I may passout right here at my desk.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I sometimes wonder if aliens have invaded this world and have taken the form for my ex and his family. If so I am begging the mother ship to please come pick them back up. Not just for my sanity but for the safety of the world.

A month ago my daughter got a rash. His answer was "she walked around in wet (aka pissy pants) and I didnt know it and she got a rash I put diaper cream on it once." I get her 4 days later and take her to the dr. She is now on her 4rd prescription for it. If this one dont work Ive got to take her to a dermatologist. I asked him about it all last week and he said "oh well its looking better" Then come Saturday "it looks a little worse" I get her yesterday and say OMG and call dr first thing this morning. How in the world can a father look at this and not think she needs to go to the dr. poor sweetie was scratching and telling me it itched.

List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and the five songs (with artist) in your blog. Then tag five people to see what they're listening to.

1. Lil Bit - 50 cent

2. Shake that ass - 50 cent

3. Fireflies - Faith Hill

4. Something More - Sugarland

5. Just Might (Make Me Believe) - Sugarland

Now aint that an interesting mix.

HOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT

I go home last night and get lost in a book. Sweetie calls at 11 and I notice the house is rather warm. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ac not working grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrier. Play with thermostate only to realize the breaker had flipped. I flip it back ac comes on 30 mins later breaker flips again. gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriest so not only have I had to work in the heat all day but now I had to sleep in a 90 degree house. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr landlady soooo getn a phone call at 8am. should have just come into work at 3am like I was thinking of.

Last night I had chinese and of course I got a fortune cookie. My fortune of the night was:

A romantic evening awaits you tonight.

My sweetie and I laughed. He said does that mean I need to go buy some candles. He went in the bedroom then came back out and told me to look in there. Well instead of a candle burning he had taken the top off a mini mag and had it standing up so it looked kinda like a single candle. I fell on the bed laughing and that was the beginning of our romantic evening.

I actually managed to sleep most of the night only waking up a few times. Dreams werent that bad. Sweetie and I talked till we both fell asleep. I love just laying there in the bed with him talking about everything. laughn and giggl'n. I feel soo comfortable around him. I try to hide from him at times and he just tells me no hiding. He gets up and leaves for work and I get up and start getn dressed. As Im leaving the lady in the apartment below him comes out and stops me. Great what have I done now. She wanted to know if we heard the "boom boom" at 4 this morning. I tell her nope I was actually sleeping. (Wouldnt have heard it if I was awake cause we have started sleeping with the radio on cause I dont want to hear her and her boyfriend again. And thanks to her stopping me this morning I have a face to go with the noises.) She wanted to know if he was home and I tell her no he is work and will be back later. That seems to settle her for now so off I go to get in my car. I stop to see him on my way out and tell him that now the neighbors are stopping me to complain to me about things and its usually me they are complaining about. Why did she have to stop me I didnt want to know what she looked like grrrrrrrrrrr gonna have to make sure I never see any of her boyfriends cause then my mind would just have to explode. Sometimes I really hate having a good imagination.

Your Gemstone is Ruby Daring, ethusiastic, and spontaneous. You are energetic and passionate, with an appetite for life.

Your Element is Wood Your power colors: green and brown Your energy: generative Your season: spring Like a tree, you are always growing and changing. And while your life is dynamic, you are firmly grounded. You have high morals and great confidence in yourself and others. You have a wide set of interests, and you make for intersting company

Your Scent is Strawberry Fun, flirty, and fresh. You're a complete sweetheart that makes everyone smile! What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find

I set here at my desk just smiling. Im soo tired my head could bounce off the desk but Im smiling like a giddie school girl. I cant wait to see my sweetie. I love that man. Now how do I tell him? And yes I know just coming straight out and telling him would be the simplest way but Im scared to tell him. Does he feel the same way? I long to hear him say those little three words to me but I will wait patiently till he is ready. Im scared to plan beyond today cause maybe it will be gone tomorrow. I hope that day never comes because Im not sure i can mend my broken heart yet again.

Sleep

Im beginning to wonder if Im suppose to sleep. Woke up at 1am this morning choking. My nightmare was soo real I couldnt breath. Maybe it was fear or maybe it was real. Im soo tired of nightmares. I lay there crying with my sweetie holding me telling me its ok and not to cry. Not wanting to keep him up I go into the living room and watch a car show. I finally passout on the sofa around 3. Wake up at 4:30 and climb back into bed only to lay there wishing I could shoot myself. I have awful leg aches and of course this morning I had to have one that reduced me to even more tears. My sweetie gets up and gets me some tylenol. I finally fall back to sleep around 5:30. I wake up at 6:40. Bad very bad. I have to be at work at 7 and its a 15 minute drive. Jump in shower run out the door sweetie saying "wait till after the fire department before you let lose." There went my trying to drive better. I have got to learn where these nightmares are coming from. I know I wasnt upset when I went to sleep. I was hot as hell about set the bed on fire. I just want to sleep one whole night. Maybe tonight I will maybe I wont one never knows.

Come here to me
Music we can make
Come here to me
Make my body quake
Come here to me
My soul you may take
Come here to me

Forever gone from me
All alone I cry
To dream of you at night
Having to wonder why
Erasing the pain is not possible
Remaining in my heart till I die

Nightmares please go away

So here I set at work at the point of complete exhaustion. I hate sleeping. This is how my sweetie described the way I looked when he woke up this morning. "Like a fish out of water" aint that lovely. I woke up soo many times during the night that I lost count. Every time I would wake up from a dream only to go back to sleep and dream something different but about the same person. All night I dreamed about my father. In some he was mad at me and in others he was happy. Needless to say I woke up just wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. My sweetie lays there and holds me but the feeling of being completely lost just wont go away. I look like I lost my best friend and in a way I have. I've lost my smile my inner fire. All I really want to do is cry. The dreams wouldnt be so bad if they were happy one. But in most I feel like he is disappointed in me and angry at me. Maybe its just me reflecting my own feelings for myself at me. I have no idea all I know is that I hate sleeping. I feel like I could just set here and cry till I passout from it. Being the one left behind sucks. but then death would have sucked more.

Im calling Bullsh*t

I leave my sweetie's this morning to go to work. I drive like a very good girl. te hehe Really I did cause he was working outside and a few have complained. So to be a good girl I drove like a sane person. I get half way to work and my cellphone rings.
"Hello"
"hello I just wanted to call and tell you you drove good today"
"oh ok"
"Well I know you arent open but ***** was wondering if you had any dodads on your yard"
"Called to tell me I drove well. whatever. im calling bullsh*t on you"
He laughs and I roll my eyes.
"I'll check when I get there"
"Thank you and you really did drive good."
"Yeah but Im still calling bullsh*t on you. You gonna pay for that one"

Now why didnt he just asked me the question in the first place? We try not to talk shop with each other that much cause it makes the dating thing strange but my word Im not an idiot. I started driving better so his boss and others would stay off his back about me. Like they own the road. I do it out of respect for him not cause they are complaining. Got a problem with me talk to me not my boyfriend. But thats a whole nother thing. So I wonder what his punishment should be. te hehe. Nothing I guess all will be forgotten when he smiles at me tonight and kisses me.

The quickest way to scare a man

My son is becoming the expert at scaring my sweetie. There are always new questions and saying.

"I love you"
"Mom are you marrying ****?"
"Mom is **** getting you a diamond ring?"
"**** we didnt always love you. When mommy was married to daddy we didnt."
"**** are you spending the night?"

I have to laugh at the expressions on my sweetie's face. Like a deer in the headlight look or maybe its one of complete fear. He never knows what exactly to say to my son when these questions arise.

Old landlord came by yesterday and gave me my last months rent check back. woooooooohoooooooooo but he also told me his granddaughters went in the house the other night and a snake went sliding across the floor in front of them. OMG I hate snakes and how long had that nasty creature been in the house? I'm glad Im out of there. I hate snakes with a passion. Snakes were one of the main reasons I left there. When my guys cut the grass they kept finding snakes and I was not risking my Stars walking up on one. So with rent check in hand Im going to go shopping for a swing set for my Stars. te hehe.

Work has kept me busy lately. Ive been getting more bids which makes me happy. The last year has been a struggle with me trying to learn everything and gain my customers trust and respect. Hard work does pay off. This is my dream and I will not fail at it.

Everything is better with my sweetie and me. Misunderstands are interesting ya just have to work thru them. He does make me very happy. I just pray every night that I make him happy. I am just taking it a day at a time.

I lay here in my bed
The darkness of my soul closing in around me
I cry
But you cant see my tears
I scream
But you cant hear my words
Ive pushed you away
Not wanting to admit to myself that I need you
I dream
But its only your face that I see
I wish
But they never come true
I will not live in fear
The love that I feel for you is pure and true
I pray
For I know prayers are answered
I love you
For you are my moon

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine." - Anthony J. D'Angelo

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant." - Robert Louis Stevenson

Misunderstanding

Last night I totally misunderstood what my sweetie said to me. I thought he said "It was nothing special" when he said "I'm nothing special." The misunderstanding of theses words lead to a total shutdown. I started to cry and then told him to leave. He didnt want to leave me but I insisted that he leave and go play poker. I never left the bed. He called I didnt answer the phone. He is always saying he's nothing special so Im sure that is what he said but at the moment my misunderstanding took over and still has a hold on me. I cant shake the feeling that maybe he does feel that way. Maybe Im nothing special. Maybe what I thought we had is nothing special to him. All these maybes running thru my head. Are they justified or am I a paranoid freak who is scared of losing someone that makes me very happy? Am I trying to mess up my happiness by reading more into things than is there? Im great at messing up my happiness so much that sometimes it seems I dont want to be happy.