Monday, February 11, 2008

10 years

Its 10 years today. And yet it only seems like yesterday. Soo much has happened since that night. Soo much I would have loved for you to share in. What would today be like if you had not died? I know I cant change the past. And some of the past I wouldnt. But to have had your guidance would I have made the same mistakes? I will never know. I have learned alot in the past ten years. Dont take tomorrow for granted cause you may not have it again. Tell the ones you love that you love them every day. Kiss you children good night and hug then one more time even if you have already hugged them a million times that day. Oh how I miss you. I know I have messed up alot but I am getting it together. I should have listened to you from the beginning. You knew this dream wouldnt last forever. But new ones come. I hope I have made you just a little proud of me. Tell grandma Im sorry. and thank you. I hope I did right by her in ya'll eyes. So much to tell you. Daddy he looks so much like you at times. You must have had a big hand in him making it here. I wonder if you would approve of my love. Funny how he is like you. Did you approve of the other one? I sometimes wonder that. Just cause of somethings you said and did. or maybe you were like that cause you were not ready to get rid of me. I love you daddy. Please believe that.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The nightmares have started again. Why is it that every year at this time I let them take over? I want to dream of him but I want them to be happy. I want him to know that I am happy and I want to know that he is happy for me. But they all seem warped. I know I am stressed to the max. It is all going to get better very soon. It has to. I am sooo close. Just got to focus.