The stress of my job gets to me alot theses days. I pray alot. The peace that I get from praying is the most wonderful feeling. I know God has a great plan for me and that I just have to keep praying for Him to help me follow His plan. I am greatful that He gave me my husband to keep me glued together. I am blessed with everything that I have. What I want most out of life is to be a great wife and mother. Everything else no longer matters. I feel like my husband and children have been getting the short end of the deal here lately. I am trying hard to fix that. So I pray every day that God will lead me where He wants me. I can not fix my past mistakes I can only move forward.

Time

Does time really matter? If we dont eat right at the time the dinner party is suppose to start, does it really matter? I wonder if the pilgrams ate right at the exact time they told the indians to be there. Why is it an issue? And why do rude comments have to be made? I like to relax and talk to people while I am cooking. If all the food is exactly ready at the selected time then most of the time I would be eating by myself or watching the food get cold waiting for "guest" to arrive. Holidays are suppose to be a time of happiness and fun family gatherings. Not full of stress that if everything is not perfect then we are going to be told how we did it wrong. (wrong as in not the way you would do it) Sad that now the holidays are full of hurt feelings. I do sooo love my family and cherish every minute I get with them. I fully understand that next year my family will have fewer members. Ten years from now it wont matter if we ate at 5 or 6 it will matter who we ate with and the memories that we made. happy or sad one that is question.

BOXES

My grandmother died a few years ago. She left me all the items in her house. Well she never threw anything away. I went thru what I could at the time and put the rest in storage. I am now trying to go thru each box and get rid of stuff. Problem being I have a hard time getting rid of stuff too. My husband can get rid of almost anything. I am attached to this stuff. Each piece holds a memory. And I know its just stuff. Im hoping by the end of the weekend to have what I already have at home either put in a proper place or in the trash. Why is it that we hold on to things? They can be the strangest item but we cant seem to part with them. Letting go is sooo hard.

THANKSGIVING

I have soo very much to be thankful for. I am very blessed. I have a husband that loves me no matter how much I mess up. He is my glue. My stars ground me but never let me forget that the world is a magical place. My mom taught me to be strong. As I think about it most of the women in my life have taught me to be strong. Life is not always easy. We have to learn from our mistakes. When life gets hard we pray harder. I love thanksgiving because I get to see family members that dont live right here around me. My family is my love all else comes second in my heart. not always in my time but in my heart yes. Im thankful that God shows us His love everyday. Im thankful for friends that help me along this road. Thanksgiving should not be one day a year it should be every day of the year.

Since I'm ready for a change in my life I think its time for a change in my blog. Time to look a little more grown up. out with the old in with the new.

WORDS

So many. Its funny how I come back here. To leave my words so I can breath again. To feel free on all that is weighing me down. I am trying to hold it all together yet it is slowly slipping thru my hands. I am ready to let it go. To be finished with this dream that is now a nightmare. So I pray every minute that it will soon be over. That I can move on to a much better dream with my love. I know it will happen. I have a peace that only comes with knowing God is going to get me thru this. I just have to wait for His time. This blog is like an addiction. I try to let go of it but it calls me over and over. I can leave it but it will always call me back. The words that are here. the feelings. They are all a map of my heart. So much to say. My love is my anchor. Holding me and making sure that the storm of life does not drown me. My stars are getting bigger and shining brighter than ever. They are my light at the end of this tunnel.

changes

We cant make the world stop turning so we have to change with it. I am very ready for this change. I pray about it every day. It will be sad but oh so great in other ways. I am excited just praying that it happens soon.